I feel like I'm failing at being a good student and a good mother all at the same time. Of course I know I'm not actually failing, and have been told frequently by my amazing husband and supportive friends, but truth matters very little sometimes. I just want to quit. I don't care that I'm being emotional and short-sighted. I just feel like the past 5 months have been so joyful, and the past 2 weeks have been filled with grief, all for a career I wanted before I became a mother and now find meaningless in the face of the sacrifice it's going to take to achieve.
Ok. Tantrum over. I'm in that place right now where all I want is to feel like God is leading me to the decision I want to make, so I can have my way and feel obedient in the process. (it's a 2fer!) I'm so busy crying out that I can't hear the answer. But truthfully, ever since Claire was born I have been rethinking my life plans. Maybe I'm supposed to stay at home and have lots of babies--it seems to be something I'm quite good at.