So, here's how my thought process would go:
Oh wow! A one-hour hot stone massage for $39! I love massages.
I never get them.
I am all sore from moving, and not sleeping, and toting around two kids all day.
I deserve a massage.
After all, I never get anything for myself (which is a total lie I tell myself.)
I bet Kevin would encourage me to go take advantage of this.
It's such a good deal!
And I have to get it now!
If I don't buy it now, I can't come back to it...
But, I could buy some stuff we need for the house for $40, like a shoe rack for by the door.
And we really need to go to the grocery store.
And we're trying to save money for a house.
So, I shouldn't be spending money on things we don't need.
I won't get a massage. Oh look, 85% off kids shoes!
This cycle would repeat 5 times as I looked through all my emails in the morning. I realized that I was allowing myself to live in this state of constant dissatisfaction. Luckily, I hadn't fallen into the lie of buying tons of extra stuff to "save money." But, what I was doing to myself was just as bad. I started to obsess about all those THINGS. My thoughts were constantly traveling to "I want I want I want." And from there to, "Oh poor me, me me." How ridiculous! I'd given the enemy more than just a foothold. I'd let him talk me into making a fake martyr of myself and my amazing sacrifice. What a hero. I turned down a 60% discount on something I wanted all for the good of my family! I suffer for them. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!
The Spirit reminded me: "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
I was laying down in the thorns. What I need to do is abide in the vine of Christ. 5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10 If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. 11 I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12" John 15 5-12
That is where true joy comes from. God's love for us. Not from a massage. DUH! (But wouldn't a massage be nice?) Hahaha! So much farther to go...