Thursday, August 26, 2010

Letter of Resignation

Dear Claire,

This letter serves as notification of my intent to vacate the position of your mother, effective immediately. I find that I am no longer able to suffer through your inappropriate, unprovoked treatment. The incident today at Old Navy was the last straw. I realize you wanted to take the ball home, but it was explained to you prior to ever receiving said item that it was to be left in the store upon completion of our business there. Crying would have been a response I could have easily understood and accommodated. But to scream and scream, and then throw yourself prone in the middle of the street is an unreasonable retaliation. The fact that I had to spank you-twice-in front of the construction workers just to get you safely out of the road is unacceptable. And all this while I am way too pregnant and it is way too hot, and my hands were full trying to push baby Chloe in the stroller while she waited patiently. But then, you made a bad situation worse. I get to the car to discover that someone had parked so close on the left side that I cannot open your door or mine. Do you help me by climbing nicely over the seat from the right and getting in the car seat? Of course not! You force me to drag you into your seat kicking, snotting, and screaming like I'm murdering you! Trying to wrestle you into your seat and strap you in safely was almost more than I was capable of physically and emotionally. I was literally dripping with sweat and boiling with anger by the time I was satisfied that you would be safe for the drive home. And then to just decide to stop acting like a wild animal, smile at me, and ask me for a snack was just cruel. Oh and then, of course, there was the moment when I was putting the stroller in the trunk and discovered that we had inadvertently stolen the notorious ball that began the whole mess. Too much to bear!

So, far all these reasons I feel it necessary to take a break. I have enjoyed our time together, and would be willing to consider reapplying for my old position should circumstances change and the grievances I listed be addressed. Thank you for you time.

Your Mommy


  1. If you do decide to reapply, you need to ask for a raise. I'm pretty sure all mommies do, actually.

  2. I am so sorry...I remember those days! I have sent myself to my room or even pulled the car over and getting out to do my timeout on the curb! And why oh why is it that at the exact moment we begin to loose it they have a cute smile and an I love you Mommy ready??? Hang in there!

  3. Funny from the outside. Just don't want to live it! I am praying for you. If she does this before the baby is here, hold on to your knickers when she gets her nose out of joint because Jude is getting some attention. Lord have mercy!
    They don't call them terrible 2's for nothing.
    So sorry for you!
    Bee's Mimi

  4. I love your letter!! Well expressed! Amen to that! Two year old attitudes are something else! Night and day difference it's scary... makes me feel like I did something wrong to "provoke" the miniture beast! :) Buenos Suerte!